Heroes Suck
Dawning Light · Sep 15, 2026
A physics-driven tower defense where you play the dungeon. Lay out traps and launch waves of invading heroes who are, charitably, bad at their job. They walk into every snare, complain about their knees, ask where the restroom is, and leave with the cheese wheels.
About Heroes Suck
You are the Keeper. A dwarf named Kaelviir bought a mountain, opened a dungeon under it, and hired you to handle the part where the people who walk in do not walk out. The heroes call it a daily. Kaelviir calls it trespassing. You call it a floor plan. Nothing in here simply falls over. Every trap fires into a live physics sim, so heroes get launched, set on fire, and bowled into whoever was standing behind them. They take it about as well as you would expect. Ow! My knee! This is going in my review. Tell my guild I soloed it. Build the walk Your treasure sits at the far end. Reaching it is their whole plan. Deciding how long that takes is yours, one tile at a time, and the distance between the door and the gold is where you put everything sharp. Seven traps, none of them polite Hidden Spears through the floor. A Pendulum Axe the width of the hall. A Wall Crusher that simply leaves the wall, and takes the front rank with it. Flame Jet, which keeps burning after they run. A Lightning Pylon that arcs into the nearest hero, then jumps from him to the next, and the next, until the charge runs out. Arrow Rain, which is precisely what it sounds like. And the Time Warper, which deals no d
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